Proverbs 17:17

that. Who is your friend? I don't mean somebody you know. I don't mean an acquaintance. I don't mean somebody that you associate with occasionally. I'm talking about your true friend. I mean the one your soul mate. The one before whom you can reveal all and they'll still love you. Is it your spouse? I hope so. Is it a relative? Maybe a brother? Maybe you a sister. We hope those family relationships produce good friendships because marriage is more than sex. Though sex is important as we discussed a couple of weeks ago, but friendship in marriage is important. But friendship is also important not just in family relationships. It is important to have friendships with those who are not family members, but who are also close friends, soulmates. Who is your friend? You know, Christians are called to be kind, loving, friendly toward everyone. But there is a sense in Scripture itself, and Scripture recognizes, is that there will be some people with whom we develop special relationships, intimate relationships, closer relationships than others.

Jesus Himself had those close relationships. Jesus and the beloved disciple, apparently one with whom He had a very close relationship, probably the disciple John. We see Jesus on those special occasions in His life, not even with all of his disciples, but typically with three, Peter, James, and John, with whom he seemed to have a special bond. And we know that Lazarus and Mary and Martha were especially close friends for Jesus. So today, while I want us all to be the type of person who is loving and friendly to all, I want us to think today about those special close relationships, those relationships with people we call friend.

Now we know that word friend can be used in a lot of ways. There are some people who are friends, but then there are some who are friends. And we're going to really strive to understand what does it mean to be a real friend. Aristotle asked, what is a friend? And his answer was, a friend develops a friendship that is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.

Another said, friendship is the wine of life. And that meant it was a good thing for us Baptists. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, a friend is one with whom I may be sincere, before whom I can talk aloud and think aloud. We use commercials to help protect people by calling on friendships. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

Well, in the book of Proverbs, we get a lot of insight about friendships. You know, Proverbs, as we've seen already, is a book of short, usually very pithy sayings about many aspects of life.

and particularly I think we find a lot of advice about relationships in life. Now these proverbs are so pithy that we have to try to understand them carefully. They don't deal with every aspect of the subject that is addressed. But boy, these proverbs give us some great insight. The Hebrew in which these proverbs were originally written is sometimes hard to translate.

These little short pithy sayings, it's hard for us to understand exactly what they meant in the Hebrew. I think this is where it's helpful if you have a more modern translation that's a good accurate translation. We've learned a lot about the Hebrew language, for example, since the days of the King James Version. and sometimes we can get better translations of these pithy sayings in a good modern translation like the New American Standard or the New International Version. And today I'll be looking at most of these verses out of Proverbs and the New International Version.

So let me, you follow in your handout, and let me give us some advice today about friendship. Wisdom for living, plain talk about friends. My first word of advice from the word of Proverbs is be wise in choosing friends. In other words, letter A, we should exercise caution. Exercise caution when we are choosing friends.

As the proverb there says, a righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. As one old English proverb said, God save me from my friends, I can take care of my enemies. And another one said, sudden friendship, sure repentance.

I think the Proverbs want us to be cautious in choosing our friends. The writer of Proverbs knows that there are people who will sometimes appear to be our friends, but aren't really our friends. Not everyone we meet in life has the qualities necessary to be a genuine friend. Not everyone is the type of person who will help us to be better in friendship. not every person is the type of person who will always be loyal and stick with us.

So the writer of Proverbs says, be cautious in choosing your friendships. In fact, the language literally says there in a righteous man is cautious in friendship. The literal translation from the Hebrew says, a righteous man investigates his close friend. Isn't that interesting?

The notion here is that while we are to be friendly and kind to all people, we should get to know someone well before we begin to open our hearts and minds to them, before we will just disclose the inner depths of our soul, before we will knit our souls together in friendship. We need to know that we can trust this person. We need to know that they are reliable. As Socrates said, be slow to fall into friendship, but when you're in, continue firm and constant. It's a good word of advice for children, isn't it?

Be careful about the friends you make. It's a good word of advice for adults. Don't rush headlong into friendship.

don't shirk it, but be cautious. Get to know the person that you're going to open your soul to. The second word of advice about being wise and choosing friends is avoid friendship with those who entice us to do wrong. Avoid friendship with those who would entice us to do wrong. As the writer of Proverbs says, my son, do not go along with them, that is the wicked.

Do not set foot on their paths. There are just some people who will entice us to do the wrong thing. There are some people whose lifestyles and manner of living will not be healthy for us. And we need to avoid developing close, intimate friendships with them. It has been with both of my children, Caleb and Kate, when they turned 16, I wrote each of them a very lengthy letter.

that's been my practice as a husband and as a parent I sometimes pause to write letters to my close family relations because I find sometimes I will express in writing things I might not express well or have trouble expressing verbally

in the letter to my daughter Kate

I started Dear Kate

[Personal prayer concern omitted.]

If you know Kate, you would know why I said that. And then I began to talk about different issues with her. the fundamental choice of life, dating and marriage,

simpler lifestyle, expectations of yourself, conclusions, God loves you, I love you, Mama loves you, Caleb loves you, many others love you, and you can always, always, always come home with much love on your 16th birthday. Under dating and marriage, let me read a few words that relate to this. Avoid friendship with those who would entice us to do wrong. And I said to her under dating and marriage, keep yourself sexually pure out of loyalty to your God and your future husband. Guard yourself.

Be at the right place at the right time. Avoid situations that might attempt you to violate your loyalty to God and your future husband. Remember that anyone who wishes you to be disloyal to God and your future husband is not a true friend. Recognize, however, that it is often a, quote, friend who will be the tempter. Love God enough to be willing to lose any, quote, friend who wishes you to disobey God.

Show fortitude and courage even when it is difficult. of such courage and fortitude are immense. Avoid friendships with those who would entice us to do wrong. Third word of advice about choosing friends. Avoid friendship with hot-tempered people.

As the proverb says, do not make friends with a hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

Part of the advice is just practical advice. It can be very difficult having to constantly deal with someone who just loses a temper. And we're not talking about somebody who does that occasionally. We're talking about the person who seems to always constantly be angry.

When we're around those kinds of people, we sometimes begin to display their same characteristics. we tend to become like those we are with. That's one reason to avoid the hot-tempered person. Another reason is being with a hot-tempered person can be dangerous. They can cause you all sorts of problems in the relationship with you and in relationships with others.

They tend to stir up strife and discord and make life unpleasant. So don't develop the close intimate friendship. The proverb admonishes us with the hot tempered person. Fourth advice about choosing friends wisely. Avoid friendship with those who are your quote friends only because of your wealth or your power or your position.

Wealth brings many friends, the proverb says, and many curry favor with a ruler. Sometimes we'll have people wanting to be our friends not because they really want to be our friends. They just want to have what we have or to get the benefits of our wealth or our position or the influence we can yield. It's amazing how many lawyers are friends to the circuit court judge. You know, close personal friend, Judge Powell, Judge Patterson, Judge whoever.

Well, I would submit that many of those friendships are because, not because of out of a deep personal interest in the judge as a person. It's because of the power that he or she can yield. So sometimes those of you who may be in positions of influence or who may be wealthy, you need to be cautious. You need to get to know your friend. Are they really wanting to be my friend or do they just want my stuff or my influence?

Another word of advice is avoid crowds of companions. Avoid crowds of, quote, companions. the proverb says a man of many companions may come to ruin but there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother the first half of that verse is the point here a man of many companions may come to ruin that's interesting isn't it is there not a sense in which we want to have many companions but the writer of proverbs urges a caution about trying to be friends with many companions. Why is it that a man of many companions may come to ruin? Well, I think the second half of the verse gives us the clue when it talks about the person who's loyal. A man of many companions, that is those people who are sort of our acquaintances, is that we can think we can rely on them, that we can depend on them, that we can trust them, but the reality is when the crunch comes, when the chips are down, they're not there. And just when we needed the most, these, quote, companions desert us. You need to know who your true friends are.

Don't just have a crowd of companions. Recognize who your true friends are and remember, better one faithful friend than a room full of half-hearted companions. So the writer of Proverbs will say, look for those true faithful friends. Don't just try to have a crowd of companions. You could also, I think, make the point, and this is a point again for particularly we make with our children, the crowd is often headed in the wrong direction.

And if it is our goal in life have a whole lot of companions, we may do things or adopt certain practices to try to be their friends that are not good practices. So beware the crowd. So wisdom in choosing friends, exercise caution, avoid friendship with those who would entice us to do wrong, avoid friendship with hot-tempered people, avoid friendship with those who are your friends only because of your wealth, power, position, and then avoid crowds of companions.

But now let's go to the more positive side. How can we recognize a true friend? And I think when you read all of the Proverbs and you have to, you know, the discussion about friends is not all just, I sort of wish sometimes the writer of Proverbs had been inspired to take all the verses about friends and put them in chapter one, you know, all together. whole book of proverbs and i'm sort of pulling from all the whole book to get the verses about friends but i think when you read the whole of the book and you ask how can i recognize a true friend you would have two big categories of how you can recognize a true friend the first big category is you can recognize a true friend by what he or she says to you and then you can, the second big category is you can recognize a true friend by what he or she does. So what they say and what they do help us to recognize whether or not someone is a true friend and I want to first begin by how can we recognize a true friend by what he or she says, particularly when we need correction.

we can recognize a true friend when we need correction in our lives. Proverbs 27.6, which I've given you there, says, Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Isn't that a great verse? There are a lot of people out there who will just flatter you to death. Just, you know, whatever you say, they'll just go right along with you.

Kiss you on the cheek and say, that's good. That's good. Oh, yeah, that's great. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, do that.

But it's the person who's willing to tell you the truth, even when it hurts, that's the true friend. In other words, when it says wounds from a friend can be trusted, I think the writer of Proverbs is telling us is that a true friend is one who will be honest with us, who will be straightforward, who will be candid. A true friend is one who will confront us when necessary, particularly when we're doing the wrong thing or going in the wrong direction. This is the person who will tell us what we need to hear not necessarily what we want to hear. This is the person who is willing to say things that hurt us in a sense in order to help us.

This is the person who will even risk the friendship In order to help us do the right thing.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

The true friend is like a good parent. Who won't let a child just do whatever. Or say whatever. A good parent takes that child aside and says. Now listen to me.

Let me tell you. This is wrong. or you're headed in the wrong direction or you should be doing this and not that.

I played on a basketball team, an intramural basketball team in law school called the Lilliputians because we were all short.

Two of the seven members of that team

after law school got into adulterous relationships.

One other close friend in law school who was in my Sunday school class in Columbia after law school also got into an adulterous relationship.

It's hard to go talk to a friend

and look him in the eye and say, this is wrong.

Not only are you hurting yourself, don't you see what you are doing to your family?

Don't you see what you are doing to your Lord? Wake up!

But that's what a good friend will do.

I had a good friend who will rename Anonymous

who was very important in my life as I was struggling with what direction the Lord wanted me to go about law practice after having finished seminary. And I would meet with this friend periodically. And I'd say, you know, I feel like the Lord wants me to really move so I can devote my time to do this. But you know, finances, you know, I've got two kids getting ready to go to college. And, you know, and what do you do about that?

And I've got to think about that. And I've got to be prudent in these decisions. And I went on like this with him for probably over a year. We would meet periodically and discuss this thing. And finally one day, we met for breakfast.

And he leaned across the table. And he looked at me and he said, Do you realize how long you've been talking about doing what God wants you to do? It's time to get started. It's time to quit worrying about all this stuff. It's time to get started.

And then he handed me an envelope. And I opened it up. True story. inside was a check made payable to David Rogers for $50,000.

He said, get started. God will always provide what you need.

I didn't cash it. I still have it. Every now and then I joke with this friend that I might cash it one day. I wrote void across it. But you know, that's a true friend who would look me in the eye and finally tell me what I needed to hear.

And then, with no reward that would flow to him from it, handed me a check like that.

I didn't just break down bawling at breakfast, but I almost did.

A good friend, the wounds of a friend can be trusted. So we can recognize a true friend by what he says when we need correction and by what he says when we need advice. That's the next blank, when we need advice. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

When we face tough decisions in life, we need good advice and counsel from a friend. The advice of a close friend can be tremendously helpful in helping us to understand issues and to make decisions. A friend is a particularly good advisor because a friend is somebody who will listen. A friend is somebody who knows us, our strengths and our weaknesses. able to evaluate and help us understand which way we should go when making a decision. And a true friend is one who always wants the best for us and will give us heartfelt advice with a sincere desire to be all God wants us to be. So my friends, when you're facing a tough decision, find a true friend who you can sit down with and talk with about it. Because that true friend can be invaluable making a good choice. Proverbs has many, many verses about getting good counsel, but particularly good counsel from a friend. But we know our friends, we can recognize a true friend, not just by what he or she says, but by what he or she does when we need help. That's your next blank. When we need help. Two verses here I highlight. A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. And then a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. In other words, a friend is not all talk.

A friend is not all talk. A friend is one who is revealed by his or her actions. And a friend is one who is always loving. That's what the text says. A friend loves at all times.

And it's using the word love there in the biblical sense. And the biblical sense is love that is the type of love that always wants what is best for the object of the love. It's the kind of love that is a tough love because it wants what is best. But it's the kind of love that is always trusting, always protecting, always helping. A friend is not only always loving, but is always loyal.

A friend not only loves, but loves at all times.

That means there's never a time when this friend won't be with you. This is the person who, if you mess with his or her friend, will be right there. and there's a great sense here there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother there's sort of a sense that brothers should in a good family relationship stick closely to one another if you want to hurt David Rogers you're going to have to talk to Mark and Paul and Tom and Ben and you better watch out when Rosemary gets in the mix.

Because that's my brother. You're not going to hurt my brother. You've got to go through me first.

There's a friend who sticks even closer than that, who's always there. Always there. Who is, see, constant and dependable. Constant and dependable. who D, never deserts us, but sticks with us.

Sticks with us. And it's interesting here, the word in verse 24, there is a friend who sticks closer than the brother. It is the same Hebrew word used in Genesis 2.24, talking about marriage. Where a man and woman will be joined together, or as the King James says, who will cleave to one another. The images of being glued tightly together so tightly you can't be separated.

That's the kind of friend you want.

One who is glued to you, who will never leave you. Who E is more concerned with our welfare than his own. Who thinks first not of himself or herself, but of you. And F, a friend is one who stands with us even in difficult times of adversity.

Adversity. Cicero, the Roman orator, said friends are proved by adversity. And true friends will stick with us in bad, not just fair, weather.

when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, when the bullets begin to fly, in sickness and in health, for better, for worse,

there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Two or three quick stories. fable. These were stories that were designed to teach moral truth. Esau was not a Christian, but sometimes he had some great stories. He told the story of the bear and the travelers.

These two travelers were supposedly friends, and as they were traveling one day a big bear comes out of the woods. One friend sees the bear first before his companion. This friend takes off running, jumps in a tree without shouting a warning to his friend or doing anything to protect The friend, seeing the bear approaching, can't run, it's too late, so just falls to the ground and pretends to be dead. The bear sniffs around and sticks his snout up in the ear of the one lying on the road and appears to whisper in his ear. After the bear leaves, the treed companion comes down and says, it looked like the bear was talking in your ear.

Yes, said his traveling mate. Well, what did he say, asked the treed companion. And the response was, the bear told me never again to travel with a friend who deserts me at the first sign of danger. That's not the kind of friend you want. You want the kind of friend like shown in the movie Tombstone.

or the more modern version, Wyatt Earp. Do you remember the story of the O.K. Corral? Three brothers go to stand against the outlaws, Wyatt, Virgil, and Morgan. And you know it's not really surprising that those three brothers stuck together.

But this is a dangerous situation. They need help and there's only one man who goes with them. Doc Holliday. He was a ne'er-do-well in many ways, but he was a friend. When the bullets were going to fly, Doc Holliday was there.

At the end of the movie Tombstone, the picture is of Wyatt Earp in a sanatorium in Colorado. Doc Holliday is dying of tuberculosis. And Kurt Russell, who was playing Wyatt Earp, as he gets ready to leave, looks at Doc Holliday and says, thank you for always being there when I needed you. That's the kind of friend we want. The kind of friend who will always be there when we need them.

So, here's my advice. Lessons for life. Let me hit these quickly. A, we need to have a time of sober reflection about our friends and ask ourselves some questions. Who are my real friends?

What are they like? Do I need some new ones?

B, we need to soberly examine ourselves and ask, what kind of friends are we? Where have we failed to be true friends to others? Are we just fair weather folks?

C. Friendships don't just happen.

They must be developed, nurtured, and maintained. That's important for the body of Christ to hear. I think sometimes we say, oh, we're bound in the bond of love because we all love Jesus. That's true. There is a special bond there.

But we need to recognize that even in the body of Christ, genuine friendships have to be developed and nurtured. D, in order to have friends, we must first be a friend.

E, let's be kind and generous, but when necessary, let's also be direct and plain spoken with our friends. F, we should be courageously loyal to our friends.

And lastly, greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

I want the body of Christ to have strong friendships in it because those friendships make us better and they make the body of Christ better.

But if we're going to be a body of believers that develop strong friendships, we need to start saying the right things and doing the right things.

let's pray

Lord for your grace and mercy we give you thanks and we thank you for friendships help us to recognize that they are a gift from God help us to nurture them and develop them but may it be said of us

that when the bullets start flying When the times are difficult, he is always there for me or she is always there for me. May we show courage and fortitude toward others who are our friends. For it is in Christ's name we pray. Amen.