The Problem and Purpose of Pain: Practical Pointers–The End of Pain

I wanted to give you a few practical pointers and then we're going to wrap up. And I'm going to obviously have to scoot through some of this a little bit. Again, my adrenium lady, one of the best pieces of practical advice if you are working with someone who is in pain is this. When grief is the freshest, words should be the fewest. when somebody is in the immediate context of pain rarely is it good to say well god knows best you know god will work all things out for his good they just aren't emotionally at a point to take that give them a hug tell them you love them but don't don't try and in fact i've had people that I've talked with who say they start asking the why questions and I say just grieve right now there'll be time to ask the questions and to deal right now you grieve for the loss of your child you know you don't need to ask all the questions right now and I actually get try to get them to set those issues aside while they're dealing with the immediate aftermath of pain there are four misplaced viewpoints none of you would ever take these viewpoints but I just say them what pain act like pain doesn't hurt. Rarely, but occasionally people will sort of have the pretense that Christians at funerals shouldn't cry.

Shouldn't grieve. Come on. Pain hurts. There's nothing wrong with grieving. There's nothing unchristian about grieving. Now we grieve as people who have a hope, but it still hurts.

If only your faith were stronger. The view that only those with weak faith experience pain.

the apostle Peter the apostle Paul Jesus went through terrible pain

repent you sinner the belief that pain is always the immediate result of a life that is displeasing to God just not the case and lastly pain is not God's will in any sense it's the idea that God is a helpless

spectator and just can't do anything about this and I've had some people say well what that person went through is not God's will well it is his sovereign will and I don't think we want to back up from that but we want to be sensitive at the same time in addition to these four misplaced viewpoints there are I think typically five potential dimensions of pain

and if you are going through pain you need to recognize these dimensions if you're talking with someone in pain you need to recognize these dimensions and not forget them the first dimension is the spiritual and we've been talking about that don't overlook the fact that if somebody's going through something difficult God well be doing something significant in that person's life and we don't want to miss that if we're going through the pain we need to ask god what are you trying to teach me what's going on here but don't miss the opportunity if you're counseling with someone that this may be a spiritual moment the second is the physical and we've talked about some of that you know when people are going through hurt sometimes there are a lot of physical issues that go with that and we personally need to realize that. We need to be sure we're eating right, we're getting rest, that we're taking care of our bodies and getting exercise because those, if we neglect those things when we're going through pain, it can magnify the pain. On the flip side, if you're counseling someone who's in pain, think about their physical needs. They need a good healthy meal. They need to go get some exercise. Maybe you go invite them to go walk with you and you don't tell them, I'm doing this because you've got physical needs and I'm taking care of it. You just go invite them and think about that dimension. The emotional component, you know, anger, often in pain, there's a sense of helplessness. Somebody blows up at you over nothing. It's not because they're typically that way, but it's sometimes it's the expression of what they're dealing with in their life. So don't be shocked if somebody blows up at you. I think healthcare professionals deal with this. You know, the doctor can't do anything right. The patient blows up. And it's because they're dealing with great emotional hurt. So you got to think about that emotional component, both yourself and if you're counseling someone. The social component. You know, if you go through cancer and you lose your hair, you go through chemotherapy and lose your hair. There's a social component. If you go through divorce, all of a sudden, you know, all those friends you used to go out with, man, what do you do? Louise and I had five couples from law school. We used to get together every year at the beach to just be together, and then one couple got divorced.

What do you do? Who do you invite? Who do you not invite? When do they get married? We don't get together anymore. I mean, there's a social component to that. So, I mean, that family dynamics, friendship dynamics can come into play. And then, of course, there is a financial component.

financial can be medical bills divorce all of a sudden you know one income trying to support children instead of two incomes so if you're helping somebody think about the financial component if you're going through pain and are having financial issues you need to try to get some help there I think these are helpful dimensions of pain to keep into play now the reality is I think if we were working this through and we had more time you could actually go and talk little moons behind these to talk about other issues related. I'm going to deal with the one from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book on death and dying. She talks about the emotional stages of dealing with pain, particularly terminal illness. Some people call this the five stages of grief. So what I'm about to show you would actually fit around this part of the chart.

But here's what Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says about the five emotional stages of dealing with death and dying. And again, they interviewed multiple patients, and they began to see that most patients who had a terminal illness went through certain emotional stages. Some of them went through them quickly. Occasionally, someone would skip one of these, but in general, there was a pattern. And the pattern was this.

The first stage, DABDA is the acronym to rent. The first stage was denial. You're diagnosed. Oh, can't be true. They must have read the x-rays wrong.

They misread the pathology report. There's a sense to deny what has happened. The second stage is anger. Often it's at God, but then also at others. It's the why me question.

My doctor is no good. anger just because of the frustration of the situation the person finds him or herself in then bargaining usually with God just let me live live to see my son's wedding or I promise to serve you if you just get me through this you know and again that's a component that you often see in dealing with the emotion of a difficult illness. And then depression. There are two types. First is reactive. Reactive depression arises from the financial problems and other issues arising as a result of the terminal illness. It was interesting how often when they interviewed terminally ill patients, those patients had a real sense of failure about their lives as they looked back, and they were depressed because of that.

But then there was a preparatory depression. Right before death, there would be depression as they contemplated physical death. Then lastly, acceptance. There was finally a quiet willingness and readiness to die. The patient, typically in that stage, wants quiet, fewer visitors, and nonverbal communication.

And it was interesting in some of those terminally ill patients who had really gotten to this stage that they interviewed, how difficult it was for those patients when family members would come in and say, you can hold on, come on, fight, just a few more days. You know, there might be another cure. There was a point at which these people were ready to die. And it was time to say, we love you and let them die. The Christian faith never shrinks from death.

It's real. But for those who are in Christ, it's not to be feared. So it's okay for people to die. And we have to be willing to say it's okay.

Is that helpful? Yes, sir. Question. But now these are also stages that people go through in general with any loss. I think that's true.

She did it specifically in the context of terminally ill patients. But I do think as you step back and look at pain from other sources than a terminal illness, you will often see these same stages showing up. So these are stages I think can be helpful in other contexts. The end of pain, my favorite part.

Let me say this. And the Christian faith teaches that there's only one way the pain will for certain end.

Is if we're in Christ.

If we're not in Christ, the pain will not end at physical death. So it's important to have a relationship with Christ at physical death. That's what the Christianity teaches. That's what the Bible teaches. Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but through Him.

So I always want to think about someone's spiritual condition prior to their physical death, including my own spiritual condition. But then there are so many great things that C.S. Lewis has had to say about in some of his works about the end of pain. I'm not going to read them all now because we are about out of time. But I highly recommend the Screwtape letters.

There's a great scene in the book where a Christian physically dies and goes to heaven. And Screwtape, who is the senior demon, writes a letter to Wormwood, the junior demon, who was supposed to make sure this person never became a Christian and that they didn't get to heaven. And Screwtape talks about the great transition from this life to the next. And how when that vermin, as Screwtape calls the Christian, when that vermin passed from this life to the next, it was as if it was meant to be. There was this pain, pain, but then I was free and joy and light.

And he describes in vivid terms the transition to the next life. The scriptures teach us that one day there will be a new order of things. There will be a new heaven and a new earth. And the Greek word there for new is kine. And the sense is that there will be a renewed heaven and earth.

That this world that is wracked and broken with pain and difficulty is going to be reshaped and remolded to be a new heaven and new earth where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things will have passed away. It's a great passage of Scripture there. And a part of the beauty of this is that one day we'll have new bodies. The physical, the Christian life teaches we don't just live in the afterlife in some disembodied state. We are actually embodied with bodies that are immortal, will not die, that are glorious and powerful rather than weak, that are imperishable rather than perishable, and that are spiritual bodies, which is a weird term.

But maybe the best picture we get of it is Christ after His resurrection. that a body that apparently was not subject to some of the limitations we have in the body here and now. And I leave those passages for you to read to yourselves. I want to read the very end of the Chronicles of Narnia, and then I'll close with a few thoughts. This is C.S. Lewis, the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia.

is the last battle. And in this scene, Lucy, if any of you have seen the movie, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, you know who Lucy is. She's a young girl. She doesn't realize it yet, but she's been in a train accident. She has been killed, and she's now in the next life in the new Narnia.

And this is how C.S. Lewis writes. He says, The light ahead was growing stronger. Lucy saw that a great series of many colored cliffs led up in front of them like a giant's staircase. And then she forgot everything else because Aslan, Aslan is the great lion in the story who represents Jesus Christ.

Because Aslan himself was coming, leaping down from cliff to cliff like a living cataract of power and beauty. Aslan turned to her and said, You do not yet look so happy as I mean you to be. Lucy said, we're so afraid of being sent away, Aslan, and you have sent us back into our own world so often. She doesn't yet realize she's even been killed in the railway accident. No fear of that, said Aslan.

Have you not guessed? Their hearts leapt and a wild hope rose within them. There was a real railway accident, Aslan said softly. your father and mother and all of you as you used to call it in the shadow lands are dead the term is over the holidays have begun the dream is ended this is the morning and as he spoke he no longer looked to them like a lion but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that i cannot write them and for us this is the end of all the stories and we can most truly that they all lived happily ever after. But for them, it was only the beginning of the real story.

All their life in this world had only been the cover and the title page. Now at last, they were beginning chapter one of the great story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on forever, in which every chapter is better than the one before. Isn't that fabulous? Each chapter is better than the one before. So if God is so good and so great, why does life hurt so much?

Well, maybe it's because He wants us to wake up to who He really is. Maybe it's because He wants us to trust Him more deeply. Maybe it's because He wants us to long for His presence in a passionate way. Maybe it's because He wishes us to become more like His Son. Maybe it's because He's just getting ready for us to spend a gazillion years with Him in eternity.

So my prayer for all of us as we conclude this series is this. The Lord, if it is His will, will make our journeys free from the pain of disease or injury,

financial woes or job loss, natural disasters or death. But if pain is his path for us, I pray that it will not harden us. Instead, may such pain awaken us to trust in him. May such pain shape us for eternity. May such pain be used for his glory.

May we long for our true home. I look forward to my true home. Because in my mind's eye, as I enter that place, it is a place of brilliant color. I never knew someone who has some color vision issues. I never knew the reds were so red until I got there.

More radiant than anything we have ever seen. The vegetation is lush and plentiful as I walk down the road. The trees are deep green and weighted with beautiful fruits. There are gardens everywhere with tulips and roses and daffodils that never wilt and never fade. There's in the air the sweet aroma of winter daphne.

There are tall mountains of blue with large spraying waterfalls. And in the middle of heaven there's this magnificent river. The water is cold and crystal clear. There's radiant light everywhere and music, singing, instruments, everything in perfect harmony. And they're people.

Men, women, all colors, all nationalities, all languages. But I understand every word that is spoken, no matter what language or dialect they might use. And guess what? The people are unwrinkled. There are no glasses, no hearing aids, no walkers or canes, no wheelchairs, no deformities, Louise. All are healthy, young, and vibrant. There's no more pain. I reach up and I feel my head and their curly, wavy locks of brown hair, and I'm going to grow it long while I'm there.

As I move toward the crowds, I notice a young man running towards me. There's something familiar about the way he runs, the swing of his arms, his gait, his hair color, the shape of his face. He and I suddenly realize he reminds me of my son, Caleb. But before I can say anything to him, he speaks. Hi, Dad.

I've been waiting to see you. Can't wait to see Mom and Brother Caleb and Sister Kate. It's my son, Joshua.

I last held his tiny, unhealthy, dead body in a room at the Medical University of South Carolina, but now he is so alive and strong. and vibrant. We embrace. And then he says, Dad, let's do first things first. Let's go see Jesus.

He turns to lead me to the throne and he looks back with a boyish grin and he asks, Hey, Dad, want to race? And stride for stride without tiring, we do what we were not able to do here on earth have a father-son race but we run together into the gentle embrace of a Lord who through his own pain has brought about the end of all pain and more I cannot now say except to say what is obvious that C.S. Lewis was right. We're just beginning chapter one of the great story. A place in which every chapter is better than the one before.

And as I stood in the presence of my Lord and my son Joshua, Joshua again with that engaging boyish grin looks at me and says, hey dad, hey Jesus, want a race? And what a race praise your name that you are so gracious to us. May we love you even in the midst of pain because we know how much you love us. For as in Christ's name we pray. Amen.